I thought..

i thought I could wait
I thought you would wait
I thought I would hear one more "xiao-hui" from you
I thought You would cook another Chinese New Year's dinner

But I was wrong
You are gone

the pictures says you are gone, but I can't believe it
People said you are gone, but I don't want to believe it

Sorry I lied, I really thought I would've go home before Thanksgiving started.

外婆、我對不住您。
那一聲“小慧你好可愛“還要多久才等的到？
那一句“多吃一點呀、你都沒吃獅子頭“還要等多久？

Should've, could've, would've
I'm sorry... I'm really really sorry...
Love you and miss you

Big Bang Theory and a Saturnalia miracle

Wish everyone a warm and delightful Holiday. May all your wishes come true in 2009.

Memorial Ring

The ring for me to remember my grandma is done.

I wish I was there for her, but I wasn't.
I should've gone back, but I didn't.
I could've been there with her, but I didn't make it.

I thought you would be here with us for longer, but you didn't.

Your smile were so beautiful in the picture. I am so proud to be your grandchildren and I wish I can make you proud, somehow.

I was looking at the picture, trying to find you on my face. I guess I got your eyebrow.
Every time when I see my mom in me, I know it is also you.

I wish God gave you 6 more months, just 6 more. So I can see you. So you can see Xiao-Yu get married.

I'm still learning everyday, learning to face the fact that when I got home, I will never see your smile again. I will never hear you saying "Xiao-Hui, you are so cute", I will never hear your giggling.

No more your best lion-head, fish, and dumpling.
No more eating red chili on the toilet.
No more, no more...

I miss you telling me that you don't like Japanese channels.
I miss you telling me to eat more.
I miss you watching TV and knit.
I miss you saying how you are taking care of grandpa.
I miss...

It's funny. The more I tried to remember you, the fuzzier you are.

I love you and I miss you. 6 months... why can't God wait for another 6 months.

Team Super Bueno Chou Potluck

It was a farewell potluck. Kind of feed the situation I am in.

1. Mercy, a wonderful friend, is leaving.
2. At the very same time, on the other side of the earth, it was my beloved grandma's funeral.

I wish I could enjoy and focus on Mercy more, but... I was a bit occupied with finally being able to clean up my emotions. Thanks to Sherri, Jen, and Mercy being so understanding and supporting. I am definitely lucky to have you girls.

It has been a delightful time hanging out with you, Mercy. It is always fun when we go out and dance, and we should definitely do that soon in Ecuador. :) Safe trip home, I'll miss you a ton.

Numb

I felt numb when you broke the news.

I tried to cry, but the tear was just so fake.
I tried to scream, but I lost my voice.


My daily routings keep on going.

I went to meet up with Carly, I went to see Emma, I went to Trattoria, then I got home.

I still laugh, I still smile, I still hug friends, nothing really changed.

I know I should be sad, but I'm not as sad as I thought I would.
I know I should be depressed and shot down, but I'm still out there socializing.


Emma is the closest person I could find in this town, on this land. She's a family to me.

I feel guilty when I told her or my close friends about the news.

They told me they are so sorry about my lost, but... I am just too numb I can't even feel how I actually feel about the whole thing. I guess I need time to actually receiving the message in my head, in my heart.


I special ordered a ring.

It's going to be silver with dark fresh water pearl on it. It will be gorgeous, I really can't wait to see it.

I asked them to put words inside the band.

It will be "1921-2008"

It's for you.

It's for me to celebrate your life, and remembering you.

外婆, Rest in Peace. I love you and I miss you.

你

"也許　全世界我也可以忘記
就是不願意　失去你的消息"

Don't want to loose you over the time differences.

Prop 8

It is sad, very sad, that they passed prop 8 in CA. It's not effecting my personal life but it is weird to see how the society shaping so weirdly.

The tradition of US from my understanding, and from Jon Stewart's mouth, it's about equal rights.
The idea of marriage from my understanding is based on two people who are deeply in love.

I guess I was wrong. Tradition actually means word by word from the Holy Bible. Marriage is... just a game.

Apparently in our society, we accept people cheating on each other and getting a divorce, which, fyi, the divorce rate is about 50%, but we can't accept marriage that's not based on men and women. Since divorce won't leave any darkness in kids' heart but gay marriage will destroy their value...

Apparently it's okay to break the Ten Commandments, but it's not okay to break one line in that Holy Bible. Since... I didn't break all of them and gays... the broke the whole line...

It's okay for sinners to take away the basic legal rights from other sinners. Because of... one sinned more after they get married while the others sinned... way before then even think about getting married...

hmm... totally make sense now... FAILED!

It's sad to learn from my dear friend that even if he found a perfect guy out there, he won't be able to form a normal family with him like how I have the chance. It is just sad.

Updates (3 Dec., '08)

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

One More Time

Democracy or Capitalist Corporation

"China's government has urged America's new president-elect, Barack Obama, to oppose independence for Taiwan." -BBC

Democracy or Capitalist Corporation, which one would Obama choose?

Guillermo said US supports democracy; so does France, I assume. They compromised freedom for the benefits they could get from trading with China. Would Obama trade freedom for a country that no one really cares (we only have 23 allies, who really cares about R.O.C.?)

A good friend of mine once said, "Taiwan... it's just not really an important issue." China, Taiwan; one China... I don't think a lot of people cares, I don't think a lot of people sees, I don't think a lot of people knows. Complicated, that's they only word people know how to describe; complicated, that's the only word I know how to make a long story short.

Democracy or Capitalist Corporation, which one would be the brilliant Obama's choice?

Obama Won

I was lucky enough to hang out at the Obama headquarter with friends and witnessing this historical moment. My heart was full of joy and my soul prays the righteous Lord.

This is the day when Dr. Martin Luther King's dream is so much closer, this is the day that people decide to change, this is the day that American dreams show.

Congratulate to the next President of the United States, may God watch your every steps.

Religion and Religious

I got an e-mail couple days ago about why, as a Christian, we should vote for McCain.

I don't agree with anything that e-mail said.

Believe in a religion is different from being religious. We need religion, but we don't need religious. Hmm, I wonder if God cried when he saw people blindly follow a religious leader then use the brain he created for us.

Go Obama, and there you go church friends back home, I support women's right on deciding whether or not to keep the embryo, I support founding on basic science, I support Obama.

It's scary to see people believe in the e-mail and pray for McCain to be the next president. I want Obama to win, but at the same time, I know there will be some blind voters walk into that booth vote McCain for... "that's who I think God would love" just like 4 years ago. If you want to vote for McCain, it's fine, but please give me a better reason.

Sarah Palin prank call brought to you by Tagélé

David B#%$*

The story begins with my old land lord, David B#%$*, who all of the tenants deeply "admired."

It was my fault, I admit. I thought I changed my address through the USPS website successfully, but apparently it didn't go through. So... David e-mailed me and strongly complained about this thing that I should've done 2 months ago (since I moved out around mid Sep... and we are in mid Nov already... mmmmhmmm...)

He said, and I quote "You've got mail piling up at my house." So I skipped my usual Sunday morning church (yes, it's my new thing for this semester) and bike all the way down to his house, which is about 5 miles away.

I was so excited about this opening my mail thing. The whole way I was trying to picture who would send me mails while I'm stupidly sitting in my house waiting. This bike ride was just nice and fast, cause I really can't wait to see what's in this mail pile that even David can't stand the size of it (FYI, when I was living in his house, there were so many junk in there, I couldn't even see where the living room were. LITERARILY! So it's gotta be huge.)

When I got to the house... I realized one thing which I should've learn about DB ten thousand years ago.

By "piling up" he actually means...
1 school mail to inform me that they've already put money in my account
1 food and wine magazine (<3)
1 jcrew catalog
1 american express junk mail
2 O&CO junk mails

All these 6 mails were totally piling up in his nice, clean, and neat house. MMMMMHMMMM, I was so "happy" when I got alllllllll of the mails I've been "LONG WAITING" for....

God bless his poor soul, may he can finally get laid and stop bitching.

above is my irresponsible story telling... good day y'all

愛相隨

I guess it doesn't always work

Mirror of Truth

You get used to things faster then you thought you would, deeper then you thought you could.

It's better this way, see you tomorrow...

To the Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday to a friend who means a lot to me.

Thank you for your friendship, thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for helping me figure my way out, thank you for teaching me new attitude towards life. Thank you for everything and it has been wonderful to know you.

Happy 26th birthday! Wish you a fabulous year no matter where you are. :)

I'm Trying To Smile

5 days a week. You know it is never my main concern. What makes you think 5 days a week is appropriate?

I understand your life is in a chaos, don't put those negative crap on us. Personal life is personal life, work is work, learn how to separate them! I really appreciate your friendship, but it's dragging me and I need to move on.

In my way to say it, it would be "fuck off, you are making me not recognizing myself anymore!"

I See Michelle Obama

I definitely need a better camera on my phone. Either way, that red dot is the future first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama. :)

Summer is Gone

I know it, not from the calender, not from the climate. I know it from the fact that you are gone.

You are my addiction, You are my rehab

A week ago, I would say "I wish I know how to quit you." A week later, everything changed.

It's okay not to talk to you everyday, it's okay not to get your e-mails everyday, it's okay. Of course, I get excited for the moments when I hear from you, but it's okay if I didn't.

I really have no idea if I made a whole lot of good decisions lately. I don't know if it was a good idea to be addicted to you, I don't know if it's a mistake to let go, I don't know if it's a good idea to go out with this new guy I just met, I don't even know how to share with you. Decisions have to be made, I just wish I won't regret it. God knows how many bad decisions I've made and god knows how many times I can just hang in there and go through it.

I wish our life will come across each other again; I really wish that. I will really pray for that day to come.

The Way We Were

Memries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
Memries, may be beautiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...


There are boys who just take your breath away. I was lucky enough to meet couple. I guess a lot of times, it's better to keep them in the memories. It's prettier that way, the misty water-coloured memories.

If there is a chance to do it again. We wouldn't, we couldn't.

Reasons

I always wanted to tell you but never quite got the chance. Now you are gone... so here it goes.

The reason you never asked me out, is not because of you are not a chemistry major. It's simply because of you don't have the balls to.
The reason you never asked me out, is not because of you are not a chemistry major. It's simply because of you never really had a crush.
The reason you never asked me out, is not because of you are not a chemistry major. It's simply because of I'm just that girl who is always around.

There you have it. That's why we are only friend and that's why we will only drink together.

Me or the Idea of Me

It all started with
           _ _ /
+-+-+ |  |  |- |
+-+-+ |  |  |_|
                |_

Is it just me or the idea of me? the distance in between could possibly idealize a lot of things. I don't know anymore. I thought you were so close, maybe through the screen I can grab onto you.

I love opening my mailbox in the morning, because of I know I would receive a greeting from you. I check my mailbox at work, I know I will find some words from you. I like when you are online, I know there is always something new. You got me trapped, I never thought I could.

Is it you or is it the idea of you? You seem so real, yet so impossible to be true. It wasn't the distance, I know. Between words, please be true. In words, I know I see you.

I need to sit down with myself. I need to figure out what's going on. Rationalize or not rationalize, it needs a balance point.

So Far, Yet So Close

I've met a lot of people. Some comes and goes, they are all important to me.

There is this one boy, he just caught my eyes even though I knew he would be gone soon. Does history repeats itself? Maybe. The more I talked to him, the more I found him just... so lovely, so delightful, so... irresistible. I hope he feels what I'm feeling.

I don't know how to deal with the big ocean in between, I don't know how to make the time difference disappear. He just seems so far away, yet so close... to my heart. We'll see what happens.

House Sitting

I love this area, so nice and quite.

曲終人散

I don't want to leave Boulder yet. There are too many things here I just can't let go. There are people here I just don't want to leave behind. There are memories here that I can't quite close it up yet.

Can I stay? No. My research background made it hard for me to find a job around here. My not so intelligent brain made me almost impossible to stay. I wish there are people who can help me, but I guess there is none.

Life sucks.

I guess what sucks the most is I trusted when people say will do the connection and turns out it was just saying for fun. Only remembers me when there is help needed, oh well... whatever.

Cocktail Time

Summer berry with fresh mint, club soda and flavored vodka.
It could be a refreshing hot afternoon.

NCAR 4th of July Party

Becca's Going Away

Before Becca going to Cleveland, we decide to take her to places she's never been and still need to go. Thus we went to the 9th Door, and the Front Porch in Denver, then end the evening at the 80's night.

NYC's two L's

I finally went to watch Sex and the City. The end is totally way too cheesy, but I love some lines in the movie; from Samantha, mainly.

Carrie: Labels and Love.

I know soon I will be able to buy labels, but love... what can I say, I love me more. ha.

Charlotte: I curse the day you were born.

That will not be the line, but I can't stop wonder... what will I say or do when I see... never mind.

India.Arie: She said you found someone.

There were nothing in between, yet, my thoughts were scattered.

You come to me in the summer breeze, then you softly leave. Even so, you are still so clearly there. I guess I should learn from forgive myself first.

Girl on Grill

Since the weather is getting hotter and hotter, grilling just sounds so good. So I decided I'm ganna take the risk of burning down the house and fire up the grill with "my dog."

Brenner is worry about me burning down her shelter when her parents are out of town.

Burn baby, burn! 燃燒吧，火鳥！

Smoke is always a good thing... right?!

I LOVE RIBS. RIBS RIBS RIBS.

And I need vege, fish, shrimp.

Yeah... put it all on the grill. Saves time, ya know.

Look at that ribs. As a first-timer, I'm so darn proud of myself.

It's all juicy looking and the meat just falls off easily... and my hands are shaking. lol Just can't wait to dig in.

This will be the wonderful dinner I'm having, for the next... several days.... I really shouldn't grill that much food at once. Hahaha. And yes, I went all out, I even grilled my salad. :)

Home-alone European Style Party

CAPLETON

Capletonis a fine musician from Jamaica. It was a great concert, I'm so totally glad I went and dance all the way. You can get a feel of his music here. It's just some great tropical music that just makes you want to move your whole body alone with. :)
The only problem I had was... I don't really speak English... LOL. Anyways, it was a great time no matter what. :)

I May Remain Silence Forever

I guess I hang out with the rare bunch for too long. There are a lot of approaches I took are terribly different from a lot of normal human beings. Therefore if I stay in this area I will feel... so free and homie, but I know I am definitely not smart enough for it. Hence I shell remain silence for all those things or even everything that I believe so I won't get into arguments all the time. I'm tired of it, it is just not worth it.... I guess I am just really really really screwed up. great.... not.

Infernal Affairs vs. The Departed

I do very much have to say, with all the respect to the great and hard working Hollywood film industries, I LOVE INFERNAL AFFAIRS MORE THEN THE DEPARTED.


I absofuckinglutely LOVE the cast in Infernal Affairs I, II, III, and the Departed; I mean, come on they are all really really dreamy. But the story line, yes I know the Departed borrowed the story of Infernal Affairs, there are just some tension lacking in the Departed somehow.








In the Departed
The life, the unfair life was not presented. The good guy was not bad enough and the bad guy... just not bad enough for you to love. It was a clear line between good and evil, you can tell from the beginning that who's the hero and who is the tramp. You know it's just another story about the hero sacrificed himself. And the bad guy, the mole in the police department, he is just try to be bad. He makes you hate him, dislike him, there is nothing in him that is likable. Maybe not the part when he's with the shrink, but he is just a rat and you know it from the beginning.

In the Infernal Affairs I, II, and III
Good guy was just like one of the criminals, he just sniff all the cocaine, he beats the crap out of others, he went in and out of the jail. He had way cooler way to leak the informations to the police, the Morse code. And the bad guy, he just seemed like the great guy next door. He busted some drug dealing, he is a hard worker, he is a man trying to build his family, he is trying to be one of the good guys. He is a... surviver, a higher class of rat, he showed that there is justices, but it won't come until... the bad guy is tired of himself.

I like the tension and the emotional "torture" that hunts you. I like the fact that it's more like real life, the bad guy is the one who managed to go though everything. I love those quotes they showed in the end of each Infernal Affairs, I'm not Buddhist, but they are some good quotes to remember for life. I like how they curst Other then all this great things about this serious of movies, I love the gorgeous faces in all those films. ;)

Jen's Garden Party

It was a great party at Jen's beautiful garden. Celebrating the Spring in Boulder, and send our favorite Christian away. It was a lot of fun.

I apologize for the caffeine-over-loaded shaking hands. lol

Yi Yi

景物依舊，人事全非。

A friend of mine told me about this movie. He said it's good. I like it.

There are parts that definitely reminds me a lot about home, I mean it is shoot in Taipei in the end, and the familiar faces in the movie.

The Corporation Film

The Corporation is a documentary that take us look at the concept and the great dark side of big corporations; the psychopath nature of this legal "person".

What kind of the world am I actually living in right now? Where am I going to stand? What is my principles? How much would I give in to the corporations and compromise? When is it enough?

When the corporations are more powerful then any government in the world; when corporations mark prices on practically everything, even a rain drop or a square feet of air; when corporations determine what you should think it's important, what you should spend your money on, or what are the informations a consumer could get. The majority of the world become weightless, are they? There are some good things a corporation could potentially bring to a community, but there are more things corporations done wrong all over the globe. Stand up, stand up and against the unethical part, the non-environmental friendly part, the unmorality part, and more; fight for what you believe a human right should be. With the power together, a small fish can still take over a big shark.

Lyons

I was planing on walk around downtown with a dress, which rarely happens. Obviously, there are things that is way more fun then that.

Nop, I wasn't crazy enough to get on those mountain bikes and work my ass off on the boulders. I prefer walk around, look at the gorgeous view, or things along the path.

Winter 2006

It happened right before I flew home...






I remember that was the coldest winter I've ever experienced। That was the beginning of one of the big snow storm that winter, and I was wondering around downtown...


It was winter physically and mentally, I was walking in the world that is covered with cold, waiting for revive, waiting for spring, patiently.


She was excited for flew home and the study abroad laid ahead of her.

Before Frence, before all the crazyness, before changes, before a lot of things.


Ah, those good old days are gone.