I Lied

I lied...

I am not independent, I just don't have other choices.
I am not brave, I just have to ignore my cowerness.
I am not smart, I am just good at hiding my stupidness.

And I have to admit that there are some things that I will never get over with, no matter how hard I tried.

P. Chen, my imaginary competitor, is one of them.

I can get over the fact that my mom used to compare me with that damn smartest kid ever; but I can never get over that laugh he gave me that summer when we were in Boston. That damn laugh just keep on drive my working my ass off. That stupid laugh keep me dig into the crazy science and start all those social awkwardness. That laugh made me just want to prove that I can be better then he is. That was a beautiful dream.

I push myself so far and hoping one day all those pressure will make the carbon become diamond, isn't that what the textbook used to teach us when we were little kid? I almost forgot how fragile I could be. There is always that limit point for the pathetic carbon that will never become those shinning rock.

Laugh at me, Chen, I know I totally deserve it. Fucking laugh at me, just fucking laugh at my pathetic life you fucking bitch.